4th June 2014 ; Remembering Dad

4^th June:  In memory of Dad:

It is like Shri Ramchandra’s Banwas. 14 years! I think I had great insight into his soul. He used to share everything with me, during our long drive daily from Ghatkopar to Fort and back, starting 1977 till 1997, two decades! Hundreds of pages can be written on him, however, for this special page, I will just briefly narrate the incidents, which affected him in big way as per his understanding.  New generation should know that a simple event or an act can change or have a major effect on direction of life of concerned person as well as his descendants. Life is connection of dots (i.e. events, actions, decisions), always growing, giving new color, shape to picture, which we call life. 

Whenever he wanted to pat tribute to his 'Bhabi Parvati'  he will narrate this indecent. He was eleven year old, he was near Ram Bhag, walking behind his 'Bhabi'. His favorite uncle Karamchand grabbed him from behind and told him, "Dhejan, Always following her, come with me to Shikarpur, you have grown so much and still have not joined school." Father will tag along from one house to other house of relative with his ‘Bhabhi’ [Dad till then thought she was his mother but actually was widowed ‘Bhua’], hence he was not admitted to any school. ‘Bhabhi’ also agreed with his uncle and forced him to start living in his father’s home in Shikarpur with his step mother, so that he can start going to school at ripe age of 11, and he took two double promotions and completed his schooling in time! But what affected him deeply was exposure of truth that ‘Bhabi’ was not his mother. This incident had such a huge impact that he had written few short stories based on it, when he was as young as 14 or 15 years old and got them published in national press. This planted the first seed of Grandfather & Dad's eternal fight. Grandfather never liked the idea of family stories being published.   

One major incident was partition of India in every Sindhi's Life. More so for him as he was at delicate age of 16. Most Sindhi's never thought that we are leaving our homes for ever. We will come back when riots will subsidize and continue with life, although in under different country name, i.e. Pakistan. However, soon, when at Punjab & Bengal border's slaughters came to light, it sank in with Sindhi's that they will not see Sind again. Even in beautiful Lonavala, Dad and his cousin Arjandas will discuss future in sad and disheartened way. Imagine a situation when you are 16, having adventure of life, in beautiful Lonavala, no responsibility, suddenly floor pulled out of your feet, with uncertain future lurking and with no resources in a totally alien environment. Dad loved his beloved Shikarpur very much. His best book is 'Sindhri The Sadhe.'  A travelogue of his Sind visit in 1979, during Bhuto's hanging, with Lali. Lali had seen his father cry only once in his life, when he put his feet at Attari Border for the first time after 1947, he burst out crying, tears for years of separation, love, sadness, happiness for meeting motherland, a cauldron of many intermingled emotion. This love for Sind was such that he could claim friendship with sindhi stalwarts, like Parmanand Hinduja (father of Hinduja Brothers), Hashu Advani (BJP MLA), Ram Punjwani (Artist, Singer), Shyam Shroff (Movie Distributor) and practically all Mumbai based writers, along with many more. 

Major action which changed his life was after his SSC examination which was in School from where Lali & Myself did our schooling, Sind Cosmopolitia High School, Ghatkopar. He was by than at loggerhead with his father, always. He had published few articles in practically all Sindhi magazines of that time and most of these were based on his personal experience, Dada thought he was purposely maligning his name, because relatives can read between the lines the real life story behind, even recognizing characters in articles.  Dad by than was ready to carry all his possessions in a ‘jhoola’, live life like hermit’s but as journalist / writers. Dada wanted him to go for Engineering, as he planned to put glass factory, as he has done in Hydrabad Sind. He was smart enough to understand clashes between himself and his eldest son, so he approached ‘Bhabhi’. By then Dad had started respecting her decisions also. She being practical woman told him the importance of money and explained to him that he can fulfill his wish of writing after few years in business, when he was established. He agreed against his inclination and passed with distinction from best college of that era, i.e.  College of Engineering, Pune! Of course, it is different story that degree was of no use to him. 

It was time to start career. He still nurtured the idea of turning into a journalist. However, career choice decision was forced upon him, again by ‘Bhabhi’. How? Dada had dropped factory idea during 3 years, when Dad was in college. He now wanted him to join him in ever expanding business as partner in his Paper Trading Company, Noble Paper Mart. Dad was very angry, as he felt manipulated and used for wasting his time in college. Again he thought of joining Times group, so much so that he applied for job also as reporter! Dada went with complain to ‘Bhabhi’ accusing her of misguiding his son. There was major fight, involving three of them. Finally Dad succumbed to Dada’s manipulations, ‘Bhabhi’s’ practical advice and emotional blackmail, and thus he joined Noble Paper Mart.

      

 

During his generation, parents used to impose upon kids to marry girl of their choice. Dada knew that this will not work with his eldest son. So he remained in back ground. Father was not interested  in marriage as he wanted to enjoy freedom, had just come out of partition shock and his life was taking some shape, work was light, he was enjoying his writing spree for magazines and simply put he was living life. Our Mother’s proposal has come which was accepted by Grandfather.  Bajaj’s family had good name in society and were considered rich, cultured family. How to convince Dad? Again ‘Bhabhi’ was put in picture, she played her part again keeping Dad's welfare in mind, considering her sensitive and emotional ward. She said, ‘Laja, has 6 brothers, so you will feel secure. At least one of them will be your good friend and guide. Bajaj’s are rich, so you will be able to confront your father more strongly, though I know you will never take any financial help from them and above all I want to see my grandson.’

She was on sick bed, staying in Rajawadi, counting her final days. She neatly again put some insight in him, covering his insecurity, personal relationship with Dada and emotional blackmail. Who says politics is dirty game? This decision of his 'Bhabhi' made his as well as our life.

 The last phrase of her statement hit him hard, so against such arguments what else can he say but yes and he was always thankful to her for this decision and he never regretted that Yes.

Next phase of life's decision which made a major impact not only in his life but of us also, was after I was born. His fights, arguments and clashes with his father continued, more earnestly and vigorously. Dad was under impression that his father blamed him for death of his mother in child birth. Whereas Dada wanted an efficient slave, smart, intelligent and totally in his control. Dad had all qualities but was not agreeable to last point. So much so that one day, they both agreed on one point i.e. no financial links, both decided to take care of own finances. So now he was in money making mode. He had zero capital after breakup with Dada, had just raised the family so, when proposal for Ahemdabad office was floated, he grabbed it. This, he claimed was his most daring decision of his life, fully made by him, ‘Bhabhi’ his decision maker was no more, as she had died recently. He promised himself, I will make capital of 5000/- as backup fund, leave paper business and start working as journalist / writer. He made this 5 k within one year, but never kept his promise to himself.

Ahemdabad experience turned out a most pleasing and happy period of his life. He was away from office politics played by his partners Thakurdas & Naomal, his fights were restricted to angry letters due to distance, his father living in Pune and he in Ahemdabad. They meet very infrequently in Pune. He had good helping hand in form of Harilal Rohra, who was more like a brother then his step Mama. Then Lali was born in 1957.
Mummy was nervous and uncertain initially as she had never taken full charge of home, but with help of Hari Uncle and not demanding Dad, she was also loving the life in Ahemdabad. Business also grew, so much so that Ahemdabad branch was making same profit as Mumbai branch. Mumbai branch, on other hand was having more capital, more working hands and more experience.

So all in all, life was gratifying, satisfying and happy. Dada has established himself in Pune since 1948, with his own firm Bharat Kagad Bhandar. However, Noble was also his baby, as 50% partner. He saw the signs of rebellion in his other partners, so to keep check on them he asked Dad to come over and live in Mumbai. He kept telling him, you have proved yourself, now take care of Mumbai office. But Dad took his time to agree with him.

Question was how to leave happy life of Ahemdabad?

 It was leaving behind carefree, freedom filled happy life, which he had chosen and built with hard work.

Mummy was happy in Ahemdabad, but missed her ‘Maika’ a lot. She had studied in convent school and her children were learning to speak local dialect of Gujrati! She wanted her children to be English gentlemen which was not possible in Ahemdabad.

For Dad, Sindhi Literary world was centered in Mumbai, which he intended to get involved in. 

Hari uncle and Bhangwan uncle were getting married, so Ahemdabad office can be handled by one of them. With so many factors opposing his stay in Ahemdabad, very reluctantly, he shifted to Mumbai. Dad took this decision more for the happiness of mummy than anything else.

According to Dad the life was more an laid back existence then a challenge and excitement in Mumbai. There was no office pressure, financial pressure, health was good and family was growing. For excitement, he had his father to argue and clash with. They both however, made peace and started writing vigorously. Dad published more then 14 books and helped his father in collecting data for his magnanimous opus, "Muhinjo Shaher, Muhinja Manhu". He involved himself in his other interest, i.e. developing big relationships. As he was based in Mumbai and had good relations with everyone, Dada gave him responsibility to get his children married. Bhagwan Uncle, Rani, Bansidhar, Bal all were stationed in Ghatkopar, Mumbai in regular intervals during 70's decade and marriage proposals were investigated by him. He will involved himself upto final say, which 'yes' will be in hand of Dada.

    Such was the life....

by P G Dodeja